Daily life

 As I sit here writing this I am enjoying something that some people take for granted..... quiet. In my house at any point in the day you are bound to have at least on child exercising their vocal chords at insanely loud decimals. I am propped up on this couch like it is a luxery vehicle with my beverage of choice, and Judge Judy.  Is it wrong that I enjoy my Tuesday between 8-9 pm thanking God for peace finally? My husband is working and while I know he knows I love him, I love this time too.
 While my days are loud they are also precious. Every morning I am greeted with screaming babies who want to have a bottle, or a diaper change or a four year old screaming from his room "Can I get up", "Mommy hello", "Is anybody home". Now I will admit this morning situation is very overwhelming for me. Usually the babies wake up at the exact same time that my husband is enjoying his "luxury" bath. He usually is able to help a little before he has to leave the house by  745. Unfortunately, most days I am even more discouraged because my coffee is either still in the canister or getting cold on the counter.... Iced Mocha anyone? Feeding 2 hungry babies and having a 4 year old along with the question of " Can I watch a show" as soon as the kid opens his mouth....I mean really, no I love you mommy, nope, mommy is clutching her cup of coffee as she tries to reminds herself that I am not super mom. Ha, I'm not?
 All of this frustration however, is subdued once coffee is consumed and I have a little crawler at my leg wanting a mommy snuggle... That is definitely a mender of all mommy " booboo's".  A real tale -tale sign of my morning is whether I have had a chance to shower before noon. This isn't really by choice. Let's face it, I surely will not leave a 4 year old in charge of watching my two 1-year olds. If I decide to put them in sometime of confining contraption highchair or playpen, I have to get my mind ready for a screaming fit, I mean they dont' want to be locked up, just as I wouldn't I'm sure.
 Depending on everything that has happend before lunch depends on whether or not I have decided to homeschool the 4 year old. Granted it is only math, reading, and religion, but thats an hour. These hours are usually interupted by fighting babies (over one of the older boys toys), or them rummaging through a bookshelf that I couldn't quite block off. That is always a fun event, like today, Benjamin decided to grab a basket hanging from the bookshelf, then, BAM!! Yep stressful moment here we go, as the other one decides to join in the chaos and the oldest sits there with a blank stare?
 Another peaceful time in my day is after lunch ( yes I skipped this in my detailed recollection), usually because it is a blur. When everyone goes down for a nap that is Heaven, why do you ask? Depending on whether or not I had the opportunity to clean while everyone was "playing" or "eating" determines whether I am able to clean or sit down and actually watch a "mommy show". A whole hour to myself. If it is more its a rare day in that case I might get an extra show. One might ask why I don't sleep when the kids are sleeping, well lets think, if the only time in your day you have to enjoy something without having a constant distraction occurs during nap, you should jump on that like a fat kid on a cupcake... mmm that sounds good! On days when I probably should have taken a nap, I usually decide to drink a cup of coffee by 3 pm. Yea bad move but I was desperate. Once nap time is over ( hopfully) it was a long one, its time to the feeling I had at 7am to start all over again this time without the husband there to offer what help he can. If I have remembered to pull something out for dinner now is the time where I figure out my cooking game plan, and at this point I decide if I have enough energy to bathe all 3 of these boys. While it isn't difficult its just tricky and since my husband is nice enough to do it when he gets home, I don't mind letting him help me...  (at this point in the blog I am slacking in details which means I am probably too tired to do more) of course.... So Goodnight, until next time... Ps I am not complaining about my life but just imagine when we leave the house. Thats a whole new story/blog.

Holding on to a piece of yourself

    As I sit here listening to my pandora which is always set to "Chipmunks", I quickly change to Carol King because all the kids are "napping", and I am reminded that God has a plan for my life everyday, just by the song I hear playing. Like God always does with his perfect timing, he puts into my ears" Beautiful" by Carol King, which says in the first 15 seconds,  you have to wake up every morning smiling. While it is hard most days especially when I haven't had my coffee, this statement is true. but what makes you smile? Do your children, husband, or maybe getting together with your friends? People often ask me how I do it and honestly my response most days is "I don't know".  Deep down, however, I think I know what it is. Before I had a family I was a musicaholic,  a former music major, with lots of training, and a karaoke junky, I found a release from my stress through music. If college was too much or life had me down I would find my nearest karaoke hotspot and let it rip, sometimes 5 days a week when I was really overwhelmed. Yea, I know that admits to not having a life, but before I was married with kids I don't think I had a life, at least not that made me feel as " needed" or as "wanted", as being a mom. Notice I didn't use wife because if anyone knows my husband, knows, he is self sufficient and doesn't need me for his survival or entertainment. However, sometimes as a homemaker, wife, and mom I do find myself loosing who I am  in all the uncontrolable moments, and while I am happy for them all, I am reminded and gladly embrace the fact that I need my music/ singing/ or mediocore piano skills in my life. 

    For a while after graduating college, (when I became married and the first year of my first sons life), I wasn't involved in music, and it wasn't until I started battling depression and the anxiety being of a new mom, that a Dr. told me I needed something for myself, and obviously what came to mind was music. My husband has been such a supporter, I guess because he realizes that it is a part of me (I hope he knows lol). While I can't hit the karaoke scene like I use to, I have my outlet, singing in a community choir, church choir, and cantor, and yes I am a lot happier because of it. 

   Most moms and dads (I'm sure) can admit when you are home all the time with our beautiful gifts from God  you do not want to be only known as a parent and spouse. You want to feel like you have an identity outside of those roles.  Some might say, why don't you just work outside the home, well let's face it nothing beats watching your children grow, it is not for the weak however, it is a major job in itself. It is not selfish to find fullfillment outside of tantrums, snuggles,  poopy diapers, or cooking dinner. While I may never have a quiet trip to the bathroom until my children are grown and out of the house (maybe not even then), I do have something for me. 

  I hear friends tell me how they wish they could do something like I am fortunate to do (sing), and I want to tell them you can, just tell your spouse you need something for you especially if he wants to have a happy home he or she (as the case may be) better allow for some independent time. It may only be two hours a week, but those two hours are yours... So find something for yourself and don't feel bad for taking time for you.